Tuesday, November 24, 2009

How I Knew I Was NOT Done Having Babies!

Well, I thought I was done! LOL But, I know Cindy is asking about getting pregnant with Lauren and not a 4th child!

I'm going to back up all the way to my pregnancy with Sean on this one...

I had the best most absolute wonderful pregnancy with Sean. I loved every single second of it..even the morning sickness! It was all just an awesome experience. I had always wanted 4 kids, but with how great my pregnancy was going with Sean I thought maybe I could go for 7 - ha!

That is, until the delivery. I have never been though anything like that in my life. The labor, the pushing, the emergency c-section, all the pain. After that I didn't think about having another baby for a long time.

When Sean turned 1, I actually started thinking about a second baby. And then I remembered all the pain and I seriously could not imagine putting myself through that again. Of course, the outcome of it all was the best thing ever, but I just didn't think I could do that again.

I sat down with Mark and told him how I felt and I cried about it, but he understood how I felt and agreed that he would be happy with Sean as an only child.

Then, maybe about one week later, I was cleaning out my bathroom and found an old pregnancy test. Very old. I went to throw it in the trash, but thought instead of wasting it I would take it. Just for fun, ya know? Yep, Positive.

I was terrified. I really didn't know how I could go through another c-section. At my first OB appointment I started asking my dr. if she would tie my tubes when this baby was born. She would never agree to it. She said I was too young. Mark couldn't find anyone to give him a vasectomy since he was so young. So, we decided that when Nathan turned 2 if we still felt the same way we would petition the dr. to "fix" us.

I felt this way all through my pregnancy. I. Was. Done. I loved Nathan, but I was so scared of the delivery. I was so scared of not being able to love more than one child. I really didn't know if I could love 2 children equally. It was a really scary feeling for me as a mother. I just didn't think that it could be done.

Nathan's delivery went a 1000 times better than Sean's and as soon as I saw him, I really thought to myself "Oh, so this is how you love 2 the exact same". It was perfect. I had my two boys and I loved them oh-so-very much and I couldn't be happier. And, I was done.

Right around Nathan's 2nd birthday, I started getting baby fever again. I kept it to myself for awhile because I thought it would go away and I didn't want to freak out Mark. It didn't go away. Mark and I had a lot of long talks about it. What would having a 3rd child do to our household? What would it mean for the boys? What would it do to our future? We had to take a long look at all of this and how having another baby would change things. I had to decide if I could physically and mentally handle another pregnancy and delivery. That really worried Mark, too.

After all of this, we decided that it was good and that we did really want another baby for our family. It's just a decision that each husband and wife must make on their own.

And it was all so very worth it. The morning sickness, the stretch marks, the heartburn, the swollen feet, the surgeries, the hospital bills... All of it.

And I do love all 3 of them equally and the same and yet different because they are different.

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