Finally Getting to Buy Pink!

So, Cindy wanted to know what it was like to finally get to buy pink?

It. Is. A. Blast.

But, I didn't always feel this way when I first found out I was having a girl. I was in shock and didn't really even know if I should believe that she was a girl! We had done boy for so long, it seemed impossible! So, I bought 1 dress the weekend I found out she was a girl and I didn't do any other shopping for her for awhile. I just wanted to make sure she would be born a she! (WE had a couple of extra ultrasounds during the pregnancy and so I was finally convinced that she was a girl and I did shop - a lot - before she was born!)

While I was pregnant with Lauren, I would get so frustrated at everyone assuming that I wanted a girl. They would find out that I all ready had 2 boys and think I was "going for the girl". When we found out she was a girl, people would ask if I was going to stop now that I "finally got my girl". I wanted to slap their faces. (This may or may not have been the horomones.)

Of course, I was ecstatic at the thought of having a girl. Of course, I loved her. Of course, I couldn't wait to fill up her closet with pinks and reds and purples. Of course, I couldn't wait to clip bows in her hair.

But, that's not why we decided to have another baby. We wanted another baby - girl or boy. I actually pictured myself with three little boys running around (and yes, in this picture I was bald from pulling all my hair out).

When people would make those comments to me, it made me feel like my boys weren't good enough. Like they were just failed attempts at having a girl.

I love my boys so very much and they are everything to me. And so is my little girl now in all her girly girl pink hair bow sweet glory. She is the perfect addition to our family of boys and we all adore her. And I would have loved her to death and just as much if she had been a he (is that a confusing sentence?).

But, all that to answer Cindy's question: It is so awesome to buy pink (and purple and red) that I have some what of an obession with it. I might need to do a 28 day pink shopping detox - ha!

How I Knew I Was NOT Done Having Babies!

Well, I thought I was done! LOL But, I know Cindy is asking about getting pregnant with Lauren and not a 4th child!

I'm going to back up all the way to my pregnancy with Sean on this one...

I had the best most absolute wonderful pregnancy with Sean. I loved every single second of it..even the morning sickness! It was all just an awesome experience. I had always wanted 4 kids, but with how great my pregnancy was going with Sean I thought maybe I could go for 7 - ha!

That is, until the delivery. I have never been though anything like that in my life. The labor, the pushing, the emergency c-section, all the pain. After that I didn't think about having another baby for a long time.

When Sean turned 1, I actually started thinking about a second baby. And then I remembered all the pain and I seriously could not imagine putting myself through that again. Of course, the outcome of it all was the best thing ever, but I just didn't think I could do that again.

I sat down with Mark and told him how I felt and I cried about it, but he understood how I felt and agreed that he would be happy with Sean as an only child.

Then, maybe about one week later, I was cleaning out my bathroom and found an old pregnancy test. Very old. I went to throw it in the trash, but thought instead of wasting it I would take it. Just for fun, ya know? Yep, Positive.

I was terrified. I really didn't know how I could go through another c-section. At my first OB appointment I started asking my dr. if she would tie my tubes when this baby was born. She would never agree to it. She said I was too young. Mark couldn't find anyone to give him a vasectomy since he was so young. So, we decided that when Nathan turned 2 if we still felt the same way we would petition the dr. to "fix" us.

I felt this way all through my pregnancy. I. Was. Done. I loved Nathan, but I was so scared of the delivery. I was so scared of not being able to love more than one child. I really didn't know if I could love 2 children equally. It was a really scary feeling for me as a mother. I just didn't think that it could be done.

Nathan's delivery went a 1000 times better than Sean's and as soon as I saw him, I really thought to myself "Oh, so this is how you love 2 the exact same". It was perfect. I had my two boys and I loved them oh-so-very much and I couldn't be happier. And, I was done.

Right around Nathan's 2nd birthday, I started getting baby fever again. I kept it to myself for awhile because I thought it would go away and I didn't want to freak out Mark. It didn't go away. Mark and I had a lot of long talks about it. What would having a 3rd child do to our household? What would it mean for the boys? What would it do to our future? We had to take a long look at all of this and how having another baby would change things. I had to decide if I could physically and mentally handle another pregnancy and delivery. That really worried Mark, too.

After all of this, we decided that it was good and that we did really want another baby for our family. It's just a decision that each husband and wife must make on their own.

And it was all so very worth it. The morning sickness, the stretch marks, the heartburn, the swollen feet, the surgeries, the hospital bills... All of it.

And I do love all 3 of them equally and the same and yet different because they are different.